(1/3)“My family and friends have no idea that I’m going through a depression. Four years ago my dad left us. From one day to another he was gone and it broke my heart. I don’t know where he went. My dad was never much involved with our family but still he was my hero. He would take me places and he always made sure to take good care of me. I ran into him once after he left but I couldn’t even look at him and I passed him by while he stopped. I’ll never forget that moment. I have always felt that I needed to be strong for my family. As a reaction to our chaotic situation at home I wanted some control and I ended up going through phases of extreme weight loss, cutting myself and depression. When you are depressed you don’t see the people around you and you even push them away. It’s as if I’m in a dark hallway and there are no windows. You feel as if the only way to release yourself from the pain is by ending life. My biggest fear last year was to fail high school. I had already made my suicide plan in case I wouldn’t graduate. When I did graduate, I naively thought all my problems were solved. After the summer holiday I went to study in Amsterdam. I was feeling a bit better until I had my first conversation with my mentor. I haven’t told anyone about my depression or suicide plans but somehow I ended up telling the whole story to him. After our conversation the depression came back but this time the feeling is 10 times worse than before. My mentor made sure I got in touch with my doctor. The good news is that I can get help but I also found out that there is a 12 week waiting list.”

(3/3)“Even though I want to get better I’m also scared of getting out of this depression. It feels like it became a part of me. Getting better means I have to start living again and I have forgotten how to do that. I used to be a positive girl who loved life. I remember I could enjoy small things like the sound of the wind or seeing the first narcissus of spring. Last spring, I saw all of that but I didn’t feel happiness, I felt nothing. It’s going to take a long time before I’m better. I’m taking baby steps but I really hope that next spring I will feel a tiny bit of that happiness again.”

I was going through my archive and I found this photo. I took it last november but I’m not sure if I posted it before. It really made my day 🙂
Have a great weekend you wonderful people!

“I don’t earn as much as when I worked at the salon but working outside and being in control of my own life is 100 percent worth it.”

“I had been to rehab several times through the years but I never managed to stay clean. I remember the first time I went to rehab there was a woman named Vera, who was a former addict herself who was now working at the facility. I was so inspired by her and the fact that she managed to get her life and was now even helping other addicts. She was an inspiration to me. During my entire addiction I had never forgotten about Vera. After I got raped I decided to get myself to a rehab. I stayed in there for one year. One of the first things I noticed in the rehab was a poster announcing they were looking for former addicts to talk and educate children at schools on the dangers of drugs. I remembered Vera and suddenly I knew I my purpose. After a year I got out of the facility and now I’m an educator myself. ” (4/5)