“At home we never mentioned the war. It was too painful. My relationship with my mother was very bad. In 1942 she had a miscarriage. It was a girl and she had hoped that her next child would be a boy. I probably reminded her too much of it and every time we got into a fight, she would say: ‘I wish you were a boy’. Whenever she would say that me heart was bleeding. Luckily I was very close with my father. He was an honest man. He always made sure the boys took on as many domestic tasks as the girls, which was quite rare for Jewish families in those times.
Then this terrible day came were we found out he had cancer. They tried to save him but the cancer had already spread and on the 29th of September 1961 he passed away. He had just turned 45. The pain I felt is indescribable. Until this day, thinking about his passing hurts.”

“I was 6 weeks old when my family was deported to a concentration camp. It was 1944. My dad managed to get a job as a truck driver in the camp and that’s why we survived. We stayed in the camp for 15 months. I have no memories of that time. I was just a baby. After the war we moved to the eastern part of Amsterdam. Life after the war was very difficult. There was a harsh survivors mentality going around and anti-Semitism was still present. I remember how the kids in the street would bully me and call me a dirty Jew. I never backed down though. I always stood my ground even if it meant that I had to get into a fight.”

She walked out of the library. She had gone to pick up some audio books for her grandmother. Golden hour just kicked in and her appearance was gracious. I asked her for her photograph she agreed. She told me a bit about herself, not too much. She is a Jazz singer and recently started a course at the University in Pedagogy. When I asked her if it was possible to combine the two she said: “We grow up thinking that it’s only possible to chase one dream but I don’t believe in that. I believe if you work hard you can do anything you put your mind to.”

“It might be cold today but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun..”

“I grew up with a certain image of myself. Looking back I realize that this image was mainly formed by other people’s opinions about me. Those opinions were mostly based on my behavior. For a long time I was holding onto this self-image thinking I knew who I was. Recently I have learned that I’m not necessarily my behavior. Yes I act a certain way and therefor people have an idea about who I am but it doesn’t mean that’s me. Ever since I figured out that I’m not my behavior I try not to be influenced by those opinions because behaviors can change, people’s opinions change and so can our self-image.”