“I’m 23 years old and my greatest accomplishment has been getting on that plane to Amsterdam. Just by being here I feel as if I took a big step forward. I have a one-way-ticket and I don’t really have any plans. I don’t have to be anywhere and that just feels fantastic.”
There is a lot to say about Social Media but without Facebook I would have never been able to run a project such as Humans of Amsterdam. I probably would not been able to raise over 10.000 euro’s for refugees in 2015 and I don’t think I would have published a book with National Geographic by the age of 27. For the opening of Facebook’s new office in Amsterdam they created a photo exhibition to highlight a few of those who contribute daily to the Facebook community. I’m honored to be a part of it but mostly excited to keep working hard and to continue this journey
Photocredit: Kirsten van Santen
“I always felt different from the people in my neighborhood. I loved reading old books about philosophy and to talk about politics and religion. With most of my friends I could only talk about soccer. We never had deep conversations. I like to think possibilities are endless but whenever I would dream about the future my environment would pull me back back to ‘’reality’’. I have always known that I have a lot to offer but I could never figure out what it was. At seventeen I went to study and for the first time I was the only Moroccan boy in the class. I had never felt like a foreigner before. Some of my classmates would make fun of my accent and I started to feel insecure. I could not adjust to my new surroundings and after one month I dropped out of college. When the new school year started I applied to study to become a teacher. The curriculum was never hard for me but I never felt as if I belonged. At 24 I was on the edge of a depression. I wasn’t living up to my full potential and I was no longer motivated to finish my studies. I knew I desperately needed a change of scenery so when a friend of mine tagged me in a Facebook post about a social project in Turkey I immediately applied even though It was completely out of my comfort zone. I went with a Dutch delegation and soon I noticed that I shared the same interest with many of the other participants. I was having deep conversations with people who were very different from the people in my neighborhood or school. During the day we had activities and in the evening we would come together to talk and make music. I know it all sounds a bit hippie-ish but it lit a fire inside of me. On my way back to Amsterdam I realized that something special had happened. I felt that this experience had changed my perspective and outlook on the future. I was optimistic and inspired. Together with a friend who also participated in the project we started to pitch ideas. Two days later we received a message that the organization that took us to Turkey was looking for a partner in The Netherlands. We met the Founder and he encouraged us to set it up. One month later we were an official NGO and planning our first trip. Now we take young people on exchanges all over Europe to participate in social projects. I try to take them out their comfort zone and to empower them by sharing my own story. The best part is that these exchange projects really have a big impact on them. It’s 3 years later and my life has completely changed as well. I’m no longer insecure and because of my NGO I have faith in myself. I finally feel that I’m using my potential and I know that this is only the beginning.”
(1/3)“My family and friends have no idea that I’m going through a depression. Four years ago my dad left us. From one day to another he was gone and it broke my heart. I don’t know where he went. My dad was never much involved with our family but still he was my hero. He would take me places and he always made sure to take good care of me. I ran into him once after he left but I couldn’t even look at him and I passed him by while he stopped. I’ll never forget that moment. I have always felt that I needed to be strong for my family. As a reaction to our chaotic situation at home I wanted some control and I ended up going through phases of extreme weight loss, cutting myself and depression. When you are depressed you don’t see the people around you and you even push them away. It’s as if I’m in a dark hallway and there are no windows. You feel as if the only way to release yourself from the pain is by ending life. My biggest fear last year was to fail high school. I had already made my suicide plan in case I wouldn’t graduate. When I did graduate, I naively thought all my problems were solved. After the summer holiday I went to study in Amsterdam. I was feeling a bit better until I had my first conversation with my mentor. I haven’t told anyone about my depression or suicide plans but somehow I ended up telling the whole story to him. After our conversation the depression came back but this time the feeling is 10 times worse than before. My mentor made sure I got in touch with my doctor. The good news is that I can get help but I also found out that there is a 12 week waiting list.”
(2/3)“The depression is a feeling of being in a long dark tunnel all by myself and there is no light and all I want is that feeling to end. The feeling is strongest at night. Last Friday it was so strong that I started to panic. I took my phone I googled for answers. Eventually I found a number which you can call if you are dealing with a suicide attempt. A volunteer picked up the phone and we talked for a while. His voice was calm and he was friendly. For the first time in a long time I felt as if someone cared about me. What I remember most about our conversation is that he told me that it was okay to cry. Nobody has ever said to me that it is okay to cry and it made me feel relieved. On Tuesday night that feeling came back stronger than ever. I was sitting on my bed with a bottle of wine in my hands and more than 100 pills in my lap but somehow I didn’t take them. I remembered a song my mentor emailed me. He sent me ‘The greatest love of all’ by Whitney Houston. I felt a bit more strength and I cried for hours. I emailed my doctor to tell him that I could not wait for 12 weeks to get help. I wrote him that I still have a lot of dreams and I want to make something out of my life but if I don’t get help soon I don’t think I can do this any longer. The next day my doctor called and he immediately arranged an appointment with a team of psychiatrist.”
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