“At thirteen I went through a heavy depression. I didn’t have any specific reason to be unhappy but I just wasn’t happy. I would spend most of my free time at home or online. One day I met a boy through Facebook and we became friends. We would talk every day.
He was also going through a depression and he was addicted to drugs. Our friendship wasn’t the most stabile one but still we really understood each other. It was an online friendship and we only met one time. When all of a sudden I didn’t hear from him anymore, I asked his brother who I went to school with what had happened to his brother, I didn’t get a clear answer.
Months went by without hearing from him. It was really hard but I had to accept it. I slowly was feeling better and I started to heal from my depression. Then finally I received a message from him saying he went into rehab. Not hearing from him was really hard but I forgave him. Even though we only met once I do think we have a real bond. However, I think we both realized that we needed time to heal by ourselves in order to ever have a healthy relationship.”
(1/3)“My family and friends have no idea that I’m going through a depression. Four years ago my dad left us. From one day to another he was gone and it broke my heart. I don’t know where he went. My dad was never much involved with our family but still he was my hero. He would take me places and he always made sure to take good care of me. I ran into him once after he left but I couldn’t even look at him and I passed him by while he stopped. I’ll never forget that moment. I have always felt that I needed to be strong for my family. As a reaction to our chaotic situation at home I wanted some control and I ended up going through phases of extreme weight loss, cutting myself and depression. When you are depressed you don’t see the people around you and you even push them away. It’s as if I’m in a dark hallway and there are no windows. You feel as if the only way to release yourself from the pain is by ending life. My biggest fear last year was to fail high school. I had already made my suicide plan in case I wouldn’t graduate. When I did graduate, I naively thought all my problems were solved. After the summer holiday I went to study in Amsterdam. I was feeling a bit better until I had my first conversation with my mentor. I haven’t told anyone about my depression or suicide plans but somehow I ended up telling the whole story to him. After our conversation the depression came back but this time the feeling is 10 times worse than before. My mentor made sure I got in touch with my doctor. The good news is that I can get help but I also found out that there is a 12 week waiting list.”